There is a line, when crossed, where blogging becomes too revealing of the writer and uncomfortable for the reader. At least, that is the opinion of this English-born blogger with an enormous latent supply of natural reserve. And yet, if no treacherous waters are ever trodden, a blog can be a superficial and simplistic entity. The danger of revelation is also inherent in a public blog, where such things could be misused or misunderstood.
Obviously, some blogs are created with the intent of keeping family and friends up-to-date with family news.
Mommy blogs.
I'm not dissing Mommy blogs; I love them. But I feel like my life, right now, is full of many and diverse interests, people, happenings, and conflicts, and I want my blogging to reflect that. I like to share new information, my joys, my doings, and my angst. And you, my readers, are kind enough to be interested in them.
And sometimes you even comment on them.
Did I ever tell you?
I LOVE COMMENTS!
Anyway.
On with the story.
A story that might be better untold but that is uppermost in my mind right now.
My Mum has been here for almost four months. Less than two weeks and she goes home to her little house to be on her own again.
Here is my sweet Mum, at a concert in the park, just because she wanted to be with me.
Come to think of it, I could have cropped out the Honey Buckets, couldn't I?
My sister and I are at a crossroads.
Our Mum is losing her marbles and
WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!
We grew up not knowing our grandparents. Most of them were dead before we were cognizant of there being such marvelous things. Our maternal grandfather was still alive when we left England, but we only met him once. Mum was estranged from him, I think to protect her daughters from the influence of her stepmother. So we never saw any interaction of children and their aging parents. It struck me this morning in a revelatory manner that we have no role models for this difficult time of life. Add to that the intrinsic problems of distance and our dilemma becomes magnified.
All my Mum ever wanted in life was to be with her beloved Tom and her girls. She lost her sweetheart when he was only 49, at the best time of their lives. They had bought land in the country and were in the process of building their dream house. We girls were off and living our own lives. His sudden death was devastating to all of us, but especially to Mum. I don't think she ever really recovered from it.
Over thirty years of missing him.
Part of me is impatient with her, wishing she had found meaning in SOMETHING. Taking some of the pressure of responsibility for her happiness from Anne and me.
But it is what it is.
And now, my heart is breaking, because I am claustrophobic when she lives with me, but when she goes home she deteriorates. Anne carries the whole burden and it is hard for her.
It is hard for all of us.
Somewhere, there is an answer.
Anne is looking for it in New Zealand.
I am contemplating possibilities in Oregon.
Meanwhile, a friend took Mum to lunch at P.F.Chang's today and then Jon and Jenny took her to see the beautiful temple grounds and then to watch the boys at their tumbling class.
So, for today, she is happy and pleasantly weary.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man. Leon Trotsky.
Sure I'm for helping the elderly.
I'm going to be old myself someday. Lilian Carter.