I am going to hate myself tomorrow.
No.
Today.
I took a late nap this afternoon.
No, wait, it was yesterday.
I woke up and thought it was morning and wondered what day it was.
I hate that feeling.
Then I ate some Harry and David's Chocolate Gingerbread Moose Munch right before bed.
Which wasn't as good as the White Chocolate Cranberry, if you must know.
The more menopausal I become, the more ingesting sugar in its purer forms before bed does not agree with my need for sleep.
So I got up.
And here I am.
Thinking about walking the hills in the morning and hoping that Barb is similarly insomniac tonight.
I am a Bad Friend.
But today,
my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.
And she is, as of today, residing in a lovely care home in a rural part of the Waikato.
The great, blessed part of this story is that my long-suffering sister was inspired to have Mum spend a week in that very same care home just two weeks ago. She and her husband were busy moving their belongings to their home at the beach, to which they will retire in a few weeks. Mum's reaction was mixed, depending on who was listening and the time of day, but the last few days she had been talking about wanting to move in there.
As opposed to
If I go into a home I will die, which had been her former mantra.
So today, she was visited by a doctor and as my sister observed her answers to his questions, it was apparent that Mum has no concept of the passage of time or orientation to reality. And Mum was very pleased when the doctor told her he thought she should go to the home today and not come home again.
She left her house without a backward glance and didn't even take her purse.
This is my mother who never left her home without checking every electrical switch, double-checking the locks, and then circling the outside of the house to look for open windows.
As Anne said, she and her husband were more sad than Mum.
We have been dreading this day for years. Mum has been getting more aggressive and uncooperative in the months since she has been home. Every conversation I have had with her has left me feeling like a bad daughter and frustrated with her peculiarities. My poor sister has dealt with the brunt of everything.
But today, Mum was back to her sweet self.
We had a loving conversation, mother to daughter.
It was good.
When Anne and John took Mum to the home, she was hugged by a caregiver and then she went to have a snack with her old friends. After talking to the director for some time, A and J went to say goodbye to Mum (Mum is all about the goodbye, hugs and kisses etc.) but when Anne tapped her on the shoulder Mum said
Oh, are you still here?
We don't know what changed for Mum this week, but I believe it was divine providence. Maybe my Dad (who was a saint and loved Mum perfectly) has some pull in the afterlife.
I like to think so.