Mom angst

Charlie is coming home.

I have been feeling a strange malaise the last couple of weeks. It's hard to explain, but my default mood of happiness has abandoned me. Which is odd, because it's summer and I have been able to indulge in lots of my favourite activities. Playing with the grandchildren, evenings spent with the local offspring, lunches with women friends, a satisfying amount of work, outings with Jeff, outdoor concerts, puddling around the garden, riding the bikes, lots of time for reading, a calm and tidy house, exciting trips to anticipate. These things usually bring me joy. But lately, when I am left to my own devices I revert to inactivity and mindless diversions and a general feeling of ennui. My lazy self is gaining dominance.

Ennui.
Of French origin.
Describing EXACTLY how I feel.
Boredom, languor, listlessness, tedium.
States of being for which I normally have no tolerance.
Antonyms: bouyancy, enthusiasm, energy, vigour.
I usually lean towards the antonym end of the scale.

What, then, is my problem?
The only anomaly on the horizon of which I can think is that Charlie is coming home for a few short days before deployment to Iraq.
Maybe I am not as mentally steeled against the prospect as I imagined.
He is, after all, my baby.
Albeit a strong and manly, tending towards the ornery, baby.

Charlie came at the end of a particularly horrendous pregnancy. For him, I endured nine months of constant vomiting and twice-daily self-administered heparin shots in my ever-expanding stomach. My dear Dr. Weil called it my "psychadelic stomach." It was every shade of the bruising spectrum, from purple to green to yellow. I had hoped to have another baby after Charlie, thinking he would be a lonely little soul, six years behind Annie. But it was not to be. Just as I had feared, Charlie would be almost like an only child at times, needing friends to fill the place that his three siblings often filled for each other.
He was an angelic baby, the delight of all of our lives. Blue eyes, blond curly hair, and a happy disposition. He loved pieces of string, empty boxes, playing with friends, and being outside. If you were to accuse us of doting on him, you would be correct.

As the years went by, Charlie was shaped to some extent by the people who loved him, his family and friends, and by the difficulties we have all shared. He has always been gregarious and charismatic, drawing people to him in numbers that are unprecedented in our family. The last few years were quite troublesome in many ways, yet he always had that fan base, especially at church, of people who loved him unconditionally. For which I will always be grateful, because sometimes they loved him when I found it hard. When he comes home on leave now, his time is spent frenetically connecting with those friends. And I'm okay with it.

Here he is, on his last leave, at Abby's pizza with a whole squadron of friends.


Charlie in one of his favourite roles, that of uncle.


Charlie, songwriter and musician.


This was at the dance festival in Portland. Charlie was well known for his break-dancing and hip-hop skills. Turns out he dances a mean ballroom too.


Brother and sister, before their birthday outing to see Rascal Flatts. Did I mention they are both big country music fans?


Charlie the patriot.


Charlie the Marine. Dead centre of the photo.


Charlie loves to have fun. Especially on roller coasters.


Now what?
Might have to hit Jeff up for some TLC.
For a change.

Jet Blue II

I have posted briefly about my fondness for Jet Blue before.
I love their comfortable seats, the direct flights, the customer service, the individual TV screens, and the UNLIMITED SNACKS. What I didn't love was their exorbitant cancellation and change fees. $100 to cancel a flight that might only cost $75. No.Thank.You.

Today, while checking online about changing the flight that I booked for Charlie to go back to San Diego after his leave, I discovered that they have changed the fee for flights costing under $100 to $50.
Okay, I thought, here's progress.
But that doesn't help us this time.
So hoping for some mercy from customer service, I called 1 800 JET BLUE.
I was not disappointed.
Jet Blue has now waived all cancellation fees for active military personnel and their immediate families.

THANK YOU JET BLUE.
You remain, without reservation, my best airline.

Leonard who?

Somehow, I made it through the 60' and 70's without any awareness of Leonard Cohen.
Then, about two years ago, I read one of Neo-Neocon's posts on the man.
After a few viewings on YouTube, I was an avid fan.
He is a bit of an acquired taste.
Songwriter and singer extraordinaire.
He is now in his 70's and still going strong.
He is on tour this year, due to some setbacks in his finances, and they say he puts on an unparalleled concert.
I think I prefer the deep, gravelly bass of his later years than the more conventional sound of his younger voice. Think "Neil Diamond on steroids."
If you are in a romantic mood (or want to be in one) check out this video.

Unfortunately, embedding has been disabled on most of his songs.

Leonard also wrote "Hallelujah," one of the greatest songs of all time. In my opinion. Although I prefer the Jeff Buckley version. Which makes me feel kind of disloyal.

Leonard.
He's My Man.

Slip-slidin' away

This time of year, during the dog days of summer, is not my favourite. This year especially, with most of the fun stuff behind us and the days dragging until our next adventures. Waiting for Charlie to come home on his last leave before deployment.


Did you ever wonder, "What ARE the dog days of summer and why do we call them that?"
Well, here I am, with a little help from Wikipedia, to answer the question.
Originally, the Dog Days were the days when Sirius, the Dog Star, rose just before or at the same time as sunrise. This is no longer true, due to some kind of astronomical change with a big name. Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, as shown in the above photo. The Romans sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius, believing that the star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather.
This image, of Sirius A and its little brother, Sirius B, was taken by the Hubble telescope.


Dog Days were popularly believed to be an evil time "when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies" according to Brady’s Clavis Calendarium. Whatever that is.

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say "evil," but the middle days of summer generally defeat me.
I lose control of my garden. Black spot engulfs the weaker specimens of rose bushes. Weeds win the war in less visible flowerbeds as my determination declines. The grass gets brown patches that highlight the inadequacies of our underground sprinkler system. Dead mimosa blossoms litter the front yard as I contemplate chopping the tree down for good. Watering the vegetable beds with the hose in the evening no longer charms me. Bees become somnolent and prone to sting.
Although here, in the centre of the picture, is one little bee who will enjoy these dog days no more. He is caught in a spider web. The spider was rushing in and out to the struggling bee from the shelter of the kabocha squash. By the time I returned with my camera the spider must have bitten the bee because its struggles were fading and the spider was merely biding its time.


On the other hand, the grape vines are laden with bunches of green, hard fruit. The lemon cucumbers are producing magnificently. Tomatoes are beginning to ripen and squash need only a few more weeks of sunshine to fulfill their destinies. Potato plants have been tested and found to be producing, even if not prolifically. Carrots, parsnips, and kohlrabi are producing modestly. Lots of little banana peppers are hanging from healthy plants. Most of the flower beds are behaving with decorum, hosting a minimum of weeds and nurturing colourful flowers. We survived the week of 100 degree plus temperatures and were blessed with a day or two of rain.

We can count the accomplishments of the summer so far:
Annie is happily (make that ecstatically) married.
Lots of memories made with Mum.
Lazy days in the back garden with the grandchildren.
A solid show of participation in Newberg Old Fashioned Days.
Several Tunes on Tuesday concerts.
A nice weekend in Astoria.
A kitchen remodeled.
A few trips to the Mustard Seed, with more to come.
Pizza cooked awesomely for the first time on the barbecue.
Oh yes, a new stove!
Several memorable barbecues with family and friends.

I shall just reflect on these triumphs and try to hold myself together until September.
And await Jonnie's corrections on the bee and spider story.
Because, you know, they will both arrive very soon.

Men's and women's brains

Sorry for all the videos lately.
Last one for a while, I promise.
Jeff sent me this one
It is hilarious and oh-so-true.

Blue Shoes and Happiness

Today's quote is from the seventh book in the series.
Today's quote, you say?
It didn't mean to be, but so it is.
Don't worry, only one more book to go.
Until I start the next series.
Which, I am sure, will be just as quotable.

Mma Ramotswe had been shocked when she had read in a magazine about a famous chef somewhere overseas who threw cold soup over the heads of his junior staff if they did not measure up to his expectations. He swore at them too, which was almost as bad. To use strong language, she thought, was a sign of bad temper and lack of concern for others. Such people were not clever or bold simply because they used such language; each time they opened their mouths they proclaimed "I am a person who is poor in words."

Amen to that.
I am reminded of a quotation which I cannot verify, but goes something like "Obscenity is the attempt of an inferior mind to express itself forcefully."

Do I have to stop saying "crap?"

In the Company of Cheerful Ladies

I am loving this series. Every now and then I crack up from the quirky wisdom that is uttered by the various characters. And sometimes, I am just plain awed by the wisdom.
Take these sentences from the end of this book, the sixth in the series:
She loved this country, which was a good place, and she loved those with whom she lived and worked. She had so much love to give - she had always felt that - and now there was someone to whom she could give this love, and that, she knew, was good; for that is what redeems us, that is what makes our pain and sorrow bearable - this giving of love to others, this sharing of the heart.