Some thoughts on pain

Don't be scared, it's not totally depressing.
Just grit your teeth and read on....

This is me, on that fateful day in September 2007, halfway up Mount St. Helens.
Blissfully unaware of what would follow.


It has been 18 months since I broke my leg. Eighteen months of fairly unrelenting pain.
I have spent a lot of time, money, and energy in trying to figure out a way to get rid of the pain.
Acupuncture.
Physical therapy.
Yoga.
Kick-boxing.
More surgery to remove the hardware.
Attempting to walk through the pain in the hope that if I walk enough it will go away.
You have to understand, it isn't just my leg that hurts. It's my foot, my ankle, my other leg, and both of my hips as well, as they compensate for the bad leg.
And the pain isn't just announcing itself when I am using my leg.
It's there when I sit on the couch.
It's nagging at me when I am lying in bed, so that I toss and turn and can't get comfortable.
Pain has become my ever-present friend.
Not really interesting enough to talk about unless someone happens to ask me, "How is your leg?"
Then, when I tell them, I sense that it makes them uncomfortable to think about it.
I understand that. It's like when I used to watch my Mum silently wringing her hands because of arthritis pain. It used to make me almost angry because I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to think about it. Now I have my own arthritis pain and somehow it's easier.
But for me, strangely, pain has become my constant companion. It tells me I am still here, still fighting the good fight to get back to what I once was. So I don't hate it. I'm not even angry about it.

Then, suddenly, about two days ago, I noticed that my ankle hardly hurts any more.
My hip doesn't hurt when I walk.
Not even up the crazy hills this morning, thank you Brenda.
Weird.
Was it the upward-facing dog that I finally pulled off in yoga class on Tuesday evening?
Or was it just persistence and the healing power of time?
I don't know.

But I think I like it.