Thursday, September 30, 2010

Having a little whine with breakfast

Warning: Not a Funny Post.

I don
't like whiny people. 
And yet, here I am.
I think I have too many people in my life.
I can't seem to keep them all happy all the time.
If you know me, you know I am prone to unsubtlety, much as I try to be otherwise.
So, inevitably, I upset some of those people occasionally.
And then I stress over what I should have said, what I didn't say, how I could have done it better.
Or about how dastardly they are!

I've been thinking about all the disparate lists of people with whom I am in contact almost daily.
Piano students and their Moms and Dads and siblings.
Preschool owners, activity directors, and other workers at my music therapy sites.
Facebook friends.
Choir members.
Husband and kids.
Real-life friends.
And now, apparently, since I was made activities chairperson, the whole congregation at church.

Not that I aspire to the hermitage (you know I love to be sociable), but I feel like I've been losing my savoir faire lately. 
What little I had to start with. 
I'm not sure if it's because my grey cells are dying and I can't think fast enough, or whether the list has just become too long and I can't keep up. 
Social networking at its worst.

I come home from church on Sundays and think Ack, all I did was run myself ragged and say things I wish I hadn't.
At the end of my work days, I wonder if anyone still thinks I'm an awesome music therapist and piano teacher or if they all think I'm becoming senile.
I edit and re-edit every blog post and facebook comment in order to not offend, but sometimes it still comes out wrong.
And who knows what my family thinks of me half of the time. Those cross-eyed looks and comparisons to Great-Nana give me a fair idea!

So, what to do, what to do?

I guess everyone has their periods of self-doubt. I have had them before, but not quite as pervasive as this one. I feel out of sorts and at odds with the world. I think I inherited my Dad's boundless optimism in possibilities and so a gloomy disposition feels foreign to me. 
I know.
Lucky me.
If I really had anything to complain about in my life maybe I wouldn't feel so unreasonable.
But I don't.

I shall have to come up with a cunning plan.
I just don't know what it is yet.

Suggestions from my lovely readers will be gratefully considered.

And now, a final word from our sponsor.
Listen for the hidden message...


  1. Sometimes you just have to say no to outside things and focus on what's really important. i.e. having fun with kids/grandkids, dates with Dad, going to the temple, and studying the gospel. I've found that when I make those things important, the other things fall into place and the unimportant things just kind of disappear.

  2. Amen Bethany! And, you need me mom?! You really need me?! :D You know we joke about you being like Nana. We all have Nana moments.

  3. Tyler and I still use the Labrynth lines. We'll call for info or advice and say, "I need you Hoggle". ;)
    As for advice? Sorry, most days I feel just as messed up as the next guy...

  4. sometimes a little self criticism goes too far...

    be who you are, we love you that way.

    sorry you're feeling a little down on yourself. Maybe you need to step back from everything from a day or so (hard to do, if not impossible, but it can be invigorating!)

  5. Sounds like you had a bad day. I have had several of those strung together at work and I am unanimous in this!! One of our attorneys became a judge and the firm restructured and the Sr. partner is edgy (to put it politely) and making life a living he-- for the underlings who live to serve. AND Wade got the idea to put a shed in the backyard (advocated for me for years) but it is a mini-skyscraper in scope at least to me and eating my "extra" money, whatever that is. So is there room under that little cloud with Eyeore for me too? Don't worry, just a lot of stress. Bethany is right, your family's opinion is the one that matters most! I secretly envy your yard and all the fun things you attend you know! Sniff from a sympathizer in Vernal UT and love from an old old friend....

  6. I can really relate to that part about running yourself ragged and saying things you wished later that you hadn't said.

    This too shall pass, friend. Be kind to yourself!